Hills of Pills
by The Veteran of Depression
Summary: Another Ponyboy suicide fic. This one goes to Royals by Lorde and it's just his thoughts, not journal entries. Please read. I live for the support of random people online that I don't get from the people I know. Read, review, favorite, enjoy. :D


**I'm in one of those suicidal one-shot moods. So here's another one. I feel so much guilt in the repetitive deaths of Ponyboy Curtis. It may not make a lot of sense cuz half of it is before the book and half of it is after it. The last half didn't even happen. But that would be 1 ½. I'll just stop typing now.**

**Disclaimer: S. E. Hinton owns the Outsiders. Lorde owns Royals.**

_I've never seen a diamond in the flesh_

I found mom and dad's wedding rings today. It was the first time I'd really looked at them.

_I cut my teeth on wedding rings in the movies_

I went to go see this movie today and I couldn't get over the fact that Paul Newman is such a great actor and I want to be like him.

_And I'm not proud of my address,_

The socs still aren't giving up on the fact we'll never be as rich as them.

_In a torn-up town, no postcode envy_

I wish this town would just get over the fact a railroad goes through it and the economic classes just happen to live on opposite sides of it.

_But every song's like gold teeth, _

Steve you really need to get those teeth fixed man.

_grey goose,_

Two-Bit you gotta stop drinking so much.

_trippin' in the bathroom_

Soda, shower with the curtain and door closed please; leave the towel without reach too.

_Blood stains, _

Johnny get away from your abusive parents and just move in with us.

_ball gowns, _

Cherry, you think you're so perfect in all your soccy clothes. But, you know what, turn your head up high and ignore me all you want, it wasn't the blow that broke me.

_trashin' the hotel room,_

Dallas, you've messed around in every room on the second floor of Buck's, one day you're gonna take it too far with the screwing and you'll regret it.

_We don't care, we're driving Cadillacs in our dreams._

The Socs think they're so tough in their Mustangs and Madras. Our loyalty to one another is worth more than any of their expensive shit it worth.

_But everybody's like Cristal, _

I never went over to Buck's place, but I heard the booze he had behind the counter was more expensive than some of the things I'd ever seen I life.

_Maybach,_

Lifting hubcaps and slashing tires only goes so far y'all. Then it ain't fun anymore, and someone's gonna end up behind bars.

_diamonds on your timepiece._

I never was good at remembering things and I'm sorry for forgetting all that I did. The things I did turned into demons festering within me.

_Jet planes,_

I find it kinda sad that the only time I'd ever ridden in an airplane was to go to our Uncle in Ohio's funeral. **(A/N: I made that up.)**

_islands, _

I always dreamed of going to all those islands we learned about in World Geography. Maybe settle down, meet a girl, have a few kids….

_tigers on a gold leash._

I remember when Soda wanted a dog and then Darry got bit by that stray and Mom and Dad said no. Soda cried for a week, and kept me up for nights on end with his sobs. But the best part of that was knowing we were still a whole family then. **(A/N: Made that up too.)**

_We don't care, we aren't caught up in your love affair._

All that soccy love is just stupid. Not that the way hoods hook up is any better. But the brotherly bonds that come with gang rivalry and alliances will always be more.

_And we'll never be royals._

We don't care we'll never be Socs.

_It don't run in our blood,_

We aren't rich enough to be like them but it doesn't matter.

_That kind of luxe just ain't for us._

Greasers enjoy different things than them.

_We crave a different kind of buzz.  
_

There are other thrills in life.

_Let me be your ruler,_

I remember when Tim moved away after knocking up some girl from Oklahoma City and Curly didn't want the pressure of ruling anymore, so he gave me the responsibility. **(A/N: Fake!)**

_You can call me queen Bee_

Being gang leader of our territory was fun while it lasted. **(A/N: Yet again I made that up.)**

_And baby I'll rule, I'll rule, I'll rule, I'll rule._

I miss the respect I got from it. **(A/N: Last falsity.)**

_Let me live that fantasy._

Me, her, kid, watching sunsets, writing a book that'll become world famous. **(A/N: Who knows? It could've happened.)**

_My friends and I—we've cracked the code._

I know what all the looks I get mean when I walk down the hallway.

_We count our dollars on the train to the party._

Does it look like we care about our lack of money and how we have to put all of our purchases on a tab?

_And everyone who knows us knows that we're fine with this,_

Marcia didn't have a problem with us and taking that coke from Dallas. She understood us. She was a different kind of Soc.

_We didn't come for money._

We don't have a lot of money, but enough to buy all these prescription pills. And I know that these are definitely not good to mix. But, if I want to get away from this all, I have to do that. The last thing I remember was colors swirling before me, the room spinning, and then the darkness engulfed me.


End file.
